For the asexually curious and the curiously asexual

TW: acephobia

Dear straight people pretending to be ‘heteroromantic’ so you can gain access to queer spaces,


I see your game. As a queer space organiser, you cannot fool me. As you already know, we genuine queers (except the gay and trans* asexuals, who you have tricked into solidarity) see right through all your talk of oppression. We see that it’s nothing more than a ruse. And when we saw through ‘heteroromantic’ (please, its even got the same prefix as heterosexual. The only hetero we can cope with is heterogeneity), you invented ‘aromantic,’ and ‘demisexual.’ Please. I’ve been ‘demisexual’ ever since the first time I saw a random guy on the cover of GQ magazine and realised I was sexually attracted to men. You can’t make a sexuality out of what everyone is! And as for aromantic… well, I have no idea what ‘aromantic’ is. But I’m beginning to suspect that you don’t either!
Anyway, you know all that. You’ve been plotting long in advance, besieging us and oppressing us at every turn. Well, now for the point of this letter:




You win.

From now on, we’ll be letting all asexuals into queer spaces, not just the actually queer ones. From now on, it’s a fucking free-for-all. You’ll be allowed to come along with your opposite-sex partners and lord it over us gays (and bisexuals, pansexuals and trans* people) with our exclusively same-sex attractions.

I mean, I don’t know why you want to. You’d think that the fact that we’re explicitly focused on queer acceptance and open-minded expressions of orientation and gender identity would discourage anyone who wasn’t into those things. You’d think that only those asexuals who felt like they had a place with us would turn up regularly and reach out to the queer communities. But no, there you’ll be, the masses of straighties who’ve tricked your way in. Week after week. Coming along to all our pub crawls and bingo nights and day trips just to silently oppress us with your secret straightness. I can’t understand why you hold so much hatred for us that you’d spend so much time making friends with us and becoming part of our communities and maybe even helping out with panels and protests and bake sales. I guess you’re just that petty.
Fine. Whatever.

See you at the bingo night,

A queer spaces organiser

So I said I’d try and make everything ace that I wrote be an asexual agenda guest post from now on. This one isn’t, because its kinda petty and pointless and I am so totally bored of this subject now. Basically wrote it to vent.

Comments on: "TW: acephobia" (4)

  1. ….Please tell me this is sarcasm or that you’re mocking someone who posted something like this…. I haven’t been over here in a while so maybe there’s some kind of long-running joke I’m missing or maybe it’s too early and I’ve just missed the obvious joke and I’ll laugh later…? Because I just came from a forum where aces were telling other aces they should just identify as heterosexual and I don’t really want to believe that that’s a conversation I’ll have to have very often…

    • Yes, this is sarcasm, but no, this is a conversation which happens often. I *believe* a lot less so nowadays, just because we don’t respond any more, but there’s a lot of places (tumblr specifically) where there’s been a massive attack on heteroromantic people, saying they shouldn’t identify as queer, along with an awful lot of ignoring asexuality and reducing people to their romantic orientations and, well, basically everything I’ve said in the above post is a paraphrase of something which I’ve seen multiple people actually say.

      It makes me sad that some aces are getting in on this as well. I hate the idea that aces should be forced to identify as whatever their romantic orientation is, vehemently. It’s just a way of pretending asexuals don’t exist.

      • That makes me feel so much better! I was checking my mail from my phone before I got out of bed (I’m not addicted, I could quite any time…) so this was literally the first thing I read this morning and it made my head hurt to see this on your blog so glad to confirm that it was dry sarcasm.

        It was so… just unbelievable to be having a discussion in an ace forming with another ace reading their insistence that heteroromantic aces are just trying to be part of a minority that they don’t really belong to etc. Just… jaw dropping. At least I have the comfort of knowing that the entire world hasn’t turned upside down and you’re still reasonable!

        • What minority exactly? Because if it’s asexuality, that doesn’t even make sense. If it’s ‘LGBTQPPAAIU+’ then… well, it still doesn’t make sense. That’s not a minority, it’s a loose grouping of all gender and sexual orientation minorities, which ace is definitely part of. But at least I can sorta understand where they might be coming from.

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