For the asexually curious and the curiously asexual

Top search term this quarter: Penes

 

NEVER. LATINATE. ON. THE. INTERNET.

This shit just will not die.

 

‘compromising sex positions’

‘sexually compromising positions’

 

It amuses me that this person found, I assume, one of my posts on the use of the word ‘compromise’ in asexual discourse. Silly google.

 

‘sexy asexual’

 

I don’t know what to do with this. Pride? Concern?

 

‘Pinkie pie sex’

 

Another regular favourite

 

‘Pinkie pie slut’

 

A new addition

 

‘my little pony sex games’

 

 

‘my little pony threesome gay’

 

 

‘my little pony ace pictures’

 

RESULT!!

 

‘my little pony pride flag’

 

This exists, right?

 

(I thought things were getting better, but the next pinkie pie related search is one I’m not going to reprint)

 

‘does a white rhinoceros reproduce asexually’

 

YOU AGAIN? 5 times in the last year!? I… I’m really tempted to write a post finally answering this poor guy’s question. If you’re reading, questioner: MALE WHITE RHINO + FEMALE WHITE RHINO = BABY WHITE RHINOS. Good luck with your rhino farm.

 

‘sexual alliteration’

 

I just… yes. This has to happen. BEST IDEA.

 

‘why penes’

 

I love the mournful, rather philosophical feel of this question

(bear in mind that every search term so far has had at least 4 hits)

 

‘i want to have sex with my crush’

 

Good for you.

 

‘asexual corset’

 

 

‘what does an asexual person mean’

 

Depends what they say.

 

‘what interesting on the internet’

 

I wish this worked. “Google! Take me somewhere… awesome!”

 

‘hey guys wings my back legs’

 

Give me a clue. Which is the verb?

 

‘magical queer’

 

You, sir, have come to the right place

 

‘lesbians fairies’

 

I like how this isn’t ‘lesbian fairies’. It’s like. ‘Lesbians. And fairies. Maybe the fairies and the lesbians can be friends?’

 

‘is it illegal for a human to asexual’

 

Highly. It’s also very dangerous. I wouldn’t recommend it without careful training.

 

‘poly, or asexual’

 

Go on. Have both. I won’t think you’re greedy.

 

‘do the white rhinos reproduce sexual or asexual’

 

Ok, so either a) my theory about a hilariously incompetent rhino farmer is correct, b) this is a homework question and all the kids googling it find my blog, or c) someone is deliberately finding my blog using these search terms to lay a false trail.

 

‘asexual pretty’

 

 

‘zucchini sexual reference’

 

Normally you don’t need a sexual reference, the standard two work/academic references will do

 

‘what is an alliteration for attraction’

 

This is some grade A irony right here.

 

‘introspective blogs on relationships’

 

I… guess this counts?

 

‘what are your curiosities about men’

 

Erm… not that many, searcher, but thanks for asking.

 

‘magical queer hat’

 

I was halfway through going ‘WTF’ when I realised this was a direct quote from me.

 

‘sexual alliteration t’

 

Oh. Now we’re just getting demanding. At least let me choose the letter, honey.

 

‘paradoks sex’

 

So apparently this is a kink now. All is right with the world.

 

‘sex all the alliteration’

 

Seriously, leave me alone.

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Comments on: "Also, my semi-annual search term clear-out" (4)

  1. Timelady said:

    Came for the Tumblr Trolls post; staying because of this. POOR, POOR RHINO FARMER.

    • He’s been in my last 3 search term roundups, and he just gets more and more frantic. I find myself hoping everything will work out for him in the end.

      • Timelady said:

        Actually got bored and curious enough to search around on Google for a bit. Did you know White Rhino is apparently a type of cannabis that can be cultivated asexually? …Although this guy’s actually spelling out ‘rhinoceros’ and varying his search terms, which makes me start to think that the poor rhinoceros farmer just keeps frantically searching for answers and only coming back with result upon result for growing cannabis at home. Poor, poor rhinoceros farmer.

        Also, he may be branching out, because there’s questions on Wiki Answers for both ‘What is the asexual of the black rhino?’ and ‘Do black rhinos reproduce sexually or asexually?’

        • Well, that puts an end to a long-standing mystery. Google suggests Black Rhino is a type of cannabis too. I can see someone resorting to ‘Rhinoceros’ if they don’t get the right results first time and don’t know much about naming cultivars in general. (I also have no evidence that all these searches are from one person- they’re more than likely from several).

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