For the asexually curious and the curiously asexual

Archive for May, 2013

Reason the Tumblr trolls are wrong #245

I swear I’ll let this go and just do the ‘ignoring it/bigger man’ thing soon (and I know, and I want to stress to my readers, that this is a tiny number of trolls who are totally not representative of any LGBTQ communities who do anything more useful or productive than sockpuppet and bully people on tumblr- almost everyone I’ve ever come across whose opinion matters even slightly is not a jerk about this), but this morning I noticed an interesting irony which puts some more perspective on the idea that asexuals trying to be queer or affiliate with queers is offensive. The irony is good enough that I felt it had to be mentioned.

So I’m a homosexual man, pretty much. I go by ‘queer’, rather than ‘gay’, and I’m only, like 95% sure of my cisgenderness, but I’m effectively a homosexual man, which, as we all know, is the Most Validly Queer of orientations. And, sure, there’s some reasons I gel with the asexual community that aren’t just accidents of my past. I could commit to a lifelong nonsexual relationship fairly easily (and I believe I still could if I wasn’t naturally poly). I’m aromantic, and there pretty much isn’t a place to be with lots of other aromantics right now that isn’t an asexual space. But I’m still, in essence, a homosexual man sneaking into asexual spaces and appropriating them for my own ends.

And the reaction I’ve got from aces is… 100% positive. Always happy to see me, happy to have me contribute, generally validating my choice to be in that space. They were supportive when I was questioning whether I was asexual or not, and supportive when I decided the answer was no, and generally happy with the fact I’m still here.

As a queer man appropriating asexual culture and forcing myself into asexual communities (in a positive way, but I’ve not seen any arguments that asexuals are harmfully appropriating queerness, just that appropriating it is wrong full stop), I’ve received nothing but support and the wish that I get what I’m looking for. So why do we have to be such jerks?

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