For the asexually curious and the curiously asexual


Protesting AVEN? Wishing something would change? Wishing there was SOMETHING you could do?

A lot of my posts tend to be addressed to the tumblr ace community nowadays, and tend to end up there as well. So I’m going to speak directly to the tumblrite somewhere down the line, maybe one who follows ‘I Can’t AVEN.’ Maybe one who submits posts to ‘I Can’t AVEN,’ or who reblogs ‘I Can’t AVEN,’ or who spends increasing proportions of their day worried about how AVEN shouldn’t be the community that represents all asexuals.

Fucking follow through.

Do you know who’s not going to stop AVEN from being the primary asexual community? AVEN. Obvs. As long as there’s a single forum with an irreparable history of dodgy moderation as the centrepiece of our community, there will always be problems. Hello, welcome to the internet. As long as there’s a single forum which attempts to do 101 for aces, 101 for allos, media visibility and 201 all in one space, there will always be problems. Petitioning to AVEN will do no good, grumbling about AVEN accomplishes nothing.

The good thing is, there’s really fucking easy ways to take what you’re feeling and turn it into something positive for the asexual community. Something which the tumblrites and the AVENites and even, you know, asexuals who don’t particularly have asexual online identities, can benefit from. Something which weakens the hold of AVEN as a single source of asexuality AT THE SAME TIME as strengthening the community resources we have. A good plan isn’t one where somebody wins. It’s one where nobody loses.

So if you’ve looked at the whole situation and felt despair, and felt like there’s nothing you can do to change it, you’re the underdog fighting some great system that won’t even acknowledge that you’re there? Here’s what you can do:

Help out with asexual awareness week. Or, if you have no time, donate. Asexual awareness week is simply the best alternative hub we have. And that’s what we’ve really NEEDED AVEN for, for the Project Team and the Media Team, who do an amazing and under-appreciated job. But if you want to do that job somewhere else, or support someone who’s doing that job somewhere else, go to AAW and ask what you can do. Remove the officialness from AVEN and it becomes just another forum.

Frequent the Asexual Agenda. As a group, it leans heavily towards the same perspectives as the tumblr community, often drawing the tumblr discussions into a more permanent space. I reckon it’ll do a very good job of being a safe space to talk about intersectional stuff. And it creates a community of asexual thought that is thorough and safe (unlike AVEN) and accessible to anyone and permanent (unlike tumblr). We NEED this resource. And, if you’re blogging about AVEN on tumblr, the chances are that being a commentor on AA won’t even feel like work. If you want to help out a little more, they’ve indicated they’d be happy to accept guest posts, and they have regular blog carnivals. This month’s is on age and ageism. Deadline Friday.

Do offline stuff. Try to find out what LGBTQ stuff goes on in your area (especially, especially, if you’re a student), and turn up even if they don’t explicitly say anything about asexuality. They’ll more than likely welcome you, especially if you’re non-confrontational at first and they get to know you as a person first and an asexual second. This is a really important thing because LGBTQ groups are in a fantastic position for offline activism. Read more advice.

Also, because LGBTQ spaces are a fantastic place for aces to meet. Those people I know who’ve met aces IRL without planning did it almost exclusively by going to LGBTQ hangouts. And then you can organise asexual meetups. And when you’ve secured an LGBTQ meetup as ace-friendly, or you’ve created a new tiny ace meetup, tell us about it.

In fact, that map needs a hell of a lot of promotion. Because the other big thing AVEN does is allow aces to do offline stuff, and that’s a market that’s going to have a massive growth in the next few years. We’re just starting to get the numbers now that a meetup every month in every second city is looking feasible, and the resource that gives people best access to that? That’s the resource that wins. If that’s AVEN, that means people who don’t like AVEN, whether because of its policies or just because they’re not really forum people, don’t get access to this resource. So get working on making that map as awesome as possible.

One last thing- we need more 101 stuff. An idea occurs to me, which I’ll mess about with when I have time.  But if you have any good ideas about creating a good place to land into the asexual identity, please. Take them further. If not, you could always go and ask the awesome Asexuality Archives if they need any help.

And I know that some people really don’t have time. Remember you can donate to AAW. And I know that some people really don’t have time or money. But, hell, the ‘grumbler about AVEN’ I know with absolutely the least time is also dedicating a whole load of it to one of the projects above. I- I seriously suspect time-turners. Do what you can.

It’s up to you.


A short clarification: My feelings on AVEN. I don’t think it’s awful. I’ve seen too many truly horrific asexual communities to be that phased by it. I actually wouldn’t mind if it was just another forum. My problem is that it’s the Official Place, and asexuality would need, at this stage, to be more than one website even if that site was utterly perfect.

Comments on: "On AVEN" (7)

  1. There’s another option: Start your own website. Many asexual forums fail because the people who start them don’t understand the idea of a long tail game. It’s a good idea to purchase your own domain as well. It’s not as expensive as you might think.

    • I agree. If you don’t like it, provide something else. However, I’m not sure how successful an alternative ace forum could be unless it was attached to something particular. I think they fail because there’s not enough people willing to create a buzz, because AVEN’s just easy.

      Btw, what do you mean by ‘long tail game’? I’ve not heard the phrase before and I can’t get anything out of google.

      • Long-tail game refers to how long it takes to see the results from search engine optimization. It takes time to build up a website’s traffic. Many of the alternative forums have failed because they expect thousands of hits in the first few weeks. AVEN has an advantage in the number of sites that link to it and in being the oldest asexual website.

        I think I’ve covered the basic issues once or twice, but it comes down to search engine optimization. Few people starting an asexual site know how to do it. As an Internet forum, AVEN also gets a *lot* of daily content. Providing daily content simply isn’t an option for most asexual blogs.

        I think my site, and Apositive (?) are the largest sites not tied to AVEN in some way, and we only get a fraction of AVEN’s traffic.

  2. I am one of the managers of I Can’t AVEN on Tumblr, and I assure you, I do not run it out of a desire to complain without doing anything else. I Can’t AVEN has attracted the attention of AVEN moderators, and I think its existence is enabling AVEN mods to learn how to better address the problems on AVEN. I also still go on AVEN, report what needs reporting, and interface with moderators when necessary. I Can’t AVEN primarily a submission-based blog, in any case, and we don’t tell people “don’t bother trying to fix AVEN” or things like that.

    That aside: Oh god, Apositive. I forgot it existed until you mentioned it here ;_;.

    • Yeah, I Can’t AVEN and this whole discussion is important, because if we just stop the whole ‘don’t moderate people who say shit things, moderate the people who call them out’, and any rape culturey stuff that’s still left over after that (stemming, I think, from the idea that AVEN, as a visibility network, must cater primarily to allos), AVEN will become a whole lot better. But still, I see a lot of people who are despairing of AVEN who could turn that into something positive BOTH by supporting I Can’t AVEN in changing AVEN, and by supporting other extra-AVEN causes. Ultimately, it’s one forum with ever-changing posters and moderators, and its trying to combine a whole load of different and occasionally contradictory aims. We’d be better off relying on more than just AVEN, however much better we make it.

      Sciatrix and I used to go on Apositive regularly to laugh at it (occasionally in a slightly unhinged, exasperated way). I checked it a few months ago, and it seemed to have closed down, but it’s apparently now active again? Not checked to see if it’s still the comedy goldmine it once was.

  3. […] If you complain about AVEN, Asexual Curiosities talks about what you should do about it. […]

  4. […] a recent post on AVEN, Asexual Curiosities  asks, “Protesting AVEN? Wishing something would change? Wishing there was […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: