For the asexually curious and the curiously asexual

Weird search terms

Coming back and finding even more penes-related search terms were used to find this blog, I decided to do a roundup of some of the weirdest search terms leading here, before there were too many to count.

penes (20 searches)

cakes (17 searches)

Which leads me to conclude that this blog is maddeningly unhelpful to most people who read it.

who’s theory was asexual

I can’t work out quite why I like this question. It might be because of the idea that only one person in the world can have a theory which isn’t sexually attracted to all the other theories.

asexual evil

Asexual is just a good adjective. “A brooding and asexual evil lurks…”

silly asexual

Doesn’t he know? There’s no such thing as a gruffalo!

how to always think objectively


Good luck.

im a lot like barney


Me too. Probably not in the same ways.

i’m sick of people thinking they are barney stinson


what episodes does barney stinson cry

The use to which I imagine this information being put is… mildly disturbing.

how does a white rhinoceros reproduce asexually or sexually

is a rhinoceros are sexual or asexual

are rhinos asexul or sexul

I like the increasing air of desperation. I like the fact that they ended up on the same post from my blog every time. In fact, my mind has already constructed an elaborate sitcom in which a harassed weatherman goes to the wrong interview room and somehow ends up in the job of a trained rhinoceros-keeper, continuing the charade with hilarious results, and frantically googling between attempts to get their mammalian charge to succumb to mitosis.

Also, sexul is a fun word. It reminds me of nazgul.

Now, ONTO PENES. The morale of this story is never, ever use latinate plurals on the internet. EVER:

penes advice

So far, so good. People can’t tell the difference between google and internet addresses, but that’s not much of a problem.



Do not click on the automatic hyperlink. Do not click on the automatic hyperlink. I dislike being curious. It is a disadvantage when on the internet.

man penes with a women

a man penes

Penes as a verb? Possibly?

woman back man penes

boys having sex and show there penes

sex women hav penes

why penes raises when going to urine

guy penes no good sex

boys show penes

sex penes

strong penes video

girls touch penes

guy down penes

penes eraction

Choose your favourite. Personally, I rather like ‘Sex women have penes.’

penes principle

I think this is going to be my name, from now on, for the rule that you shouldn’t use latinate plurals on the internet.


ve penes


Short and sweet



Short and misspelt.

penes 2011


Now in calendar form!

penes penes


The musical!

wat sase penes


After a long while, I realised this was probably ‘what size penis’, and not, as I originally thought, ‘what says penis?’ The latter was a whole new level of creepy.


Comments on: "Weird search terms" (5)

  1. This somehow made me laugh more than anything in a long time. “guy penes no good sex” is a classic.

  2. How do you find out what search queries led people to your site? Is it a WordPress feature?

  3. I laughed so hard at this I think I disturbed the neighbors.

  4. I find it extremely entertaining that somehow people find your blog by typing in the Latinate plural of “penis.”

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