[I’m on an enforced minimisation of blogging atm due to important exams. Also, the 101 project is taking up time. Naturally, this means I suddenly have more ideas I really want to blog than ever before.]
This is my take on why hetero-aligned asexuals are queer:
I’d be so screwed if I was hetero-aligned.
Looking back through my life, there’s a good chance I’d never have discovered asexuality, never have discovered feminism, gender-non-conformity, polyamory. There’s a good chance I’d never have read MYSELF as queer. I’d have read myself as broken. I’d have been different, with no tools to accept it.
I don’t want to live in a world where the main support group for people who think they’re broken because they’re different is inaccessible. I want people like the confused, hurt and alone individual I would have been to be told ‘It’s ok. Queer is here for you. The identity is yours to use if you feel safe in it.’ I want the other me to have something that feels safe, that feels real, somewhere to belong for just a little while while all the messages and the pressures of society float above my head. Somewhere out of the storm, where I can gather my strength to fight against it.
Even if I’d found asexuality, even if queerness was accepting, I think I might still have been fighting a loosing battle. It depresses me to realise how many of the people who have expressed an interest in queer relationship structures, the type of relationship structures I need, are primarily interested in relationships with people of the same gender (and/or are generally gender-subverting). I really don’t think I’ve seen any aromantic or even much asexual queerification of cis het relationships. Because straight and queer can’t touch. Which makes me sad, because I think it’s actually less likely, at this stage, for a successful queer cis het relationship to happen. I have a couple of other posts bouncing around in my head at the moment about heteronormativity, and how the people it’s starting to screw over the most are straight people. I feel… relatively optimistic right now about my chances of a happy life, and some of that is due to having a wealth of potential zucchinis (queer relationship partners) who aren’t a gender-gap away in terms of communication. And a lot of it is about having the support of the queer community, both asexual and, wider, about having a whole group of people, spread out all over the world, who can accept me for who I am, who do the transgressive, who dare to accept difference.
And that is what’s keeping me up, right now. That’s what’s keeping me whole. And that, that is what Queer means.
And that’s why hetero-romantics need queer. That’s why we should be there for them. No arguments.