I guess comfort and danger are always going to be the two driving forces in my life, sailing (too) couragiously out into the big wide waters of unknown situations, pushing myself further at every success and back to safety at every failure (or at least the ones that take a little getting over). Hoping for dreams and dealing with reality sometimes seems too much of a sudden change to not leave a mark, but I suppose it’s just like muscles that tear to grow.
The reason I’m posting this here is that, for the last month, maybe two, I’ve been spending so much less time on the internet. Before I could spend hours on here, it was where I felt safe. Now, I just check e-mails and facebook and deviantart and blogger and think “Hmm… I wonder what I could do in the real world.” Which is awesome, it really is. I’ve done so much new stuff, and so much that was always a ‘I really should’ has become a ‘Got the T-shirt’, and that’s completely going to continue (unfortunately for my blog).
But I experienced my first medium-ish set-back with mood swing just now (I’ve taken up sewing, and a costume I was making ended up a little small. A tiny thing, but sometimes you get an emotional investment), and I immediately got on my computer, in the hope that the nice kind internets would soothe the pain. And, of course, they haven’t. They aren’t my safe harbour any more. They’re a tool, not a recreational activity. Which is irritating, because the internet as a recreational activity had no possibility of failure. It also had no possibility of success.
Time to get away from comfort. That’s what this kind-of gap year was all about. From now on, my entire life is going to be things with successes and failures, and this small blog doesn’t really get a look-in.
Anyway, David Tennant and Catherine Tate are hosting NMTB, and it’ll be on the iPlayer soon. If there’s one thing an internet-embittered asexual can still enjoy, it’s Dr Who related hijinks! :D
(I’ve been torn for a while on whether to take this blog down a more personal, private lifey type road, or a critical analysis of asexual culture. The problem is, it’s difficult for me to combine the two, because asexuality really isn’t part of my mental landscape any more. It’s just a complete non-issue, personally. Maybe that’ll be the death of the blog, but it’s good news for me)